Dear My Last ex-girlfriend

I never knew how it felt to be loved, until I felt your hand wrapped around my throat at 3AM. In the middle of the night, with 90
missed calls, saying “baby please, I need you.”
I never knew what it was like to not be able to breathe from words, until I felt my heart pound through my body looking for any last oxygen molecule to consume. I watched the
subway trains pass for three hours that night, before riding a bus back to you. I loved you more than you could know. You were always the one I loved, our promise. It was us. How could something so beautiful turn tragic over night? I felt less yours after that. He stole a piece of me from you. You promised me you’d always be there, but you lied. Dear ex-girlfriend, I swear I didn’t love you hard enough but oh god I could’ve. I spent months waiting for you, some days it was like you were still beside me. I worried for you. I’d sometimes cry at night walking home alone. I don’t watch a single sunset without thoughts of you overwhelming my brain, waves at the beach and new years eve nights aren’t the same anymore. Did you forget everything I didn’t?
I held on for too long that parts of me were starting to slip away, your face was in every mirror, every time I closed my eyes. You were haunting my nightmares. I still remember the exact hue of your eyes and the constellation of freckles on your face.
Dear ex girlfriend, we hurt each other and love should never be like that but when you stab a knife in someone’s back that many times and they still come back, aren’t you
the lucky one? I don’t make promises anymore, I forgot how
to say I love you and the word forever is a little confusing to me.
I will never look at someone the same way again hahahaha
and im always and forever thankful for that. and i bet you have no idea how much I’ve changed since you left. im stronger now, somehow the pain helps me to grow, to be a better person. forgiveness set me free, yes, whatever the pain you’ve caused, i forgive you. no bitterness now, just acceptance.
4 months has passed between us, and sometimes i wonder..do you still think of me? of how we used to be? of our memories? i hope that when you look back, you’ll smile, and no…don’t feel bad about me, or the pain you have caused. i want you to be happy, i only wish all the good thing in you, and i hope that all of those future plan you have before, please make them all come true.
believe in yourself, the way i believe in you… i know you can do it. and please don’t ever, ever, think that you’re not good enough, because for me, until now..you are
worth it, even all the pain. everything about you is wonderful, and i feel happy knowing that i’ve given a chance to know someone
like you. you’re special you know.
and now, all i have is your memories, and day after day…they fade. i miss you..i miss talking to you...
But, for my girl. Don't be jealous. My heart still be you. I just miss my memories. Not that person. My heart just for you. Only you. I love you